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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22874626">better to turn your back on me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Flicker/pseuds/Amber_Flicker'>Amber_Flicker</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fine Leo AU [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Guilt, Izumi angst hours, Self-Hatred, the usual level of trauma from the war that you expect from enstars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:21:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>841</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22874626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amber_Flicker/pseuds/Amber_Flicker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Izumi goes to a fine live.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sena Izumi &amp; Tsukinaga Leo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Fine Leo AU [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573405</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>better to turn your back on me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The general course is... normal. It's just like one would expect high school to be like. It's normal and almost painfully boring, compared to what the idol course had been. Izumi loathes it as much as he loves it. The monotony is peaceful in a way, except that it also reminds him of the drama that had lead him here. The students here have no idea what goes on in the other course. They are blissfully unaware of the war, how part of the school had gone through such major changes last year. How people died for fine's cause, literally and figuratively. They were saved the pain and trauma. It makes Izumi wish he could be as ignorant as they are.</p>
<p>But he was not spared from the war. None of them were. Izumi had transferred to the general course to forget, to escape. He'd... run away, he would admit to himself that's what it was, but it didn't work. Yes, he didn't have to see any of them anymore. He didn't have to see <i>him.</i> He didn't even have to think his name. But he was still haunted by the memories of what he'd lost.</p>
<p>Who he'd lost.</p>
<p>Perhaps that's why he was here. Maybe seeing this would help him move on. Maybe he just wondered what he'd been missing since he'd left. Maybe he just missed him.</p>
<p>...There wasn't any <i>maybe</i> about it. Izumi <i>does</i> miss him, and he hates it.</p>
<p>The lights dim, and the crowd goes silent in anticipation. There's no going back now, then. This time he can't- won't- run away.</p>
<p>fine is different than he remembers it, but he'd expected that. He was, after all, still around when they went inactive, when all the members left besides <i>him</i> and Tenshouin, who ended up in the hospital for basically the rest of the year. He hadn't been completely there mentally at that time, considering the circumstances, but he remembered that much. The people are different, but the aesthetic is the same. Angelic. Izumi finds it ironic, considering they were quite the opposite of angels last year.</p>
<p>(He wonders if anyone else in the audience knows exactly who they're admiring. </p>
<p>...Probably not.)</p>
<p>Nevertheless. The outfit suits him. The song... Izumi can tell, it's one of <i>his</i>. He'd spent enough time singing his music, watching him compose. He knows it when he hears it, even if the song is new.</p>
<p>The last time Izumi had ever talked to him, he'd lost all his brilliance, all his fire. He had been cold and empty when he told Knights he was disbanding them. He hadn't listened to anyone's protests, wouldn't talk to Izumi when he tried to get his attention, to ask why, to try to get him to reconsider. He was silent as Izumi ranted that Knights belonged to both of them, they'd built it up together, than he should've had a say in the decision. It hurt. Not just because he was angry or felt betrayed- because he didn't look like himself, and Izumi knew it was partially his own fault.</p>
<p>But now?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leo was <i>radiant.</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>And it makes Izumi wonder if it's selfish of him to wish Leo had stayed with Knights, if in some way this was for the better. They'd all been wounded too, but Leo had been... completely shattered. None of them could bring him back after the fall of Knights. But fine- no, <i>Tenshouin</i> did. Maybe they just hadn't been enough. Maybe Izumi hadn't been enough. </p>
<p>And it's just... he <i>knows</i> he isn't the greatest person. He's sharp tongued and harsh on others (and himself) and selfish and he can't ever admit how he really feels. Leo hadn't seemed to care about any of that. He'd looked past all of Izumi's flaws. But maybe that's exactly why they didn't work together. Because Leo would give so much of himself to everyone no matter whether they deserved it or not, and Izumi... didn't. He didn't deserve any of what Leo had given him (what he had <i>given up</i> for him-). Knights, Leo... they broke not just because of the war. Izumi was just as much at fault. Perhaps more so.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If he'd just been a little kinder, maybe...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>...No point in thinking about that now. He can't fix it. He can't fix anything, apparently, not Leo or himself. But... Leo is happier now, isn't he? Because Izumi isn't there to ruin that happiness for him. And maybe that's all that matters. Maybe Izumi can live with himself knowing that.</p>
<p>There's a moment where he swears their eyes meet, green on blue, and he knows he's wrong, he's too far away and it's dark in the audience, there's no way Leo could have possibly spotted him. But it startles him enough that he's too paranoid to stay any longer, risk it happening again, or worse, get approached by Leo after the performance. Izumi slips out as quietly as he can, trying his best to avoid drawing any attention.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He doesn't look back after he exits.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>me writing for this AU: Izumi and Eichi both describe Leo as bright/glowing/radiant etc. because he is/was their sun-</p>
<p>fine Leo AU? More like Izumi suffers AU</p>
<p>Will I ever write a fic from Leo's POV considering he's the main character here? Who knows. There is a carrd with info about this AU now, which can be found here: https://fineleo.carrd.co/</p>
<p>@amber_flicker on twitter</p></blockquote></div></div>
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